Friday 21 November 2014

Using descriptions

Once upon a time there was a boy. He lived with his Mum. In a cottage. He was poor. They lived far outside the village. The village was in a castle. One day Jack the boy went to the nice village to sell the cow. Then an old man appeared and gave Jack glowing green magic beans. When he got home his mother threw the beans out the window. It grew over night to a big as beanstalk. When Jack woke up he wanted to climb it. He climbed it. He took hours.When Jack got to the top he saw a big diamond castle in front of him. He got in the castle. He saw a fat giant and a chicken that lays golden… eggs! He also saw a golden harp. First he stole the harp and woke up the giant. The giant chased Jack out of the castle and said “Never come back!” He climbed as quick as a cheetah. He put the lovely golden harp next to the window. It sang as beautifully as an angel. The next day … Jack... climbed the ...beanstalk quietly but he stole the... chicken and woke up the giant again. The giant shouted ” Enough! “ as loudly as a lion’s roar. The ...giant climbed...down. Jack got down first. He called his mum to get an axe. When the giant was almost down, Jack cut the beanstalk down. The giant died and Jack and his mum were never poor again. And they lived happily ever afterOnce upon a time there was a boy. He lived with his Mum. In a cottage. He was poor. They lived far outside the village. The village was in a castle. One day Jack the boy went to the nice village to sell the cow. Then an old man appeared and gave Jack glowing green magic beans. When he got home his mother threw the beans out the window. It grew over night to a big as beanstalk. When Jack woke up he wanted to climb it. He climbed it. He took hours.When Jack got to the top he saw a big diamond castle in front of him. He got in the castle. He saw a fat giant and a chicken that lays golden… eggs! He also saw a golden harp. First he stole the harp and woke up the giant. The giant chased Jack out of the castle and said “Never come back!” He climbed as quick as a cheetah. He put the lovely golden harp next to the window. It sang as beautifully as an angel. The next day … Jack... climbed the ...beanstalk quietly but he stole the... chicken and woke up the giant again. The giant shouted ” Enough! “ as loudly as a lion’s roar. The ...giant climbed...down. Jack got down first. He called his mum to get an axe. When the giant was almost down, Jack cut the beanstalk down. The giant died and Jack and his mum were never poor again. And they lived happily ever after

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Wow, your story is amazing. I can see that you've been thinking carefully about using describing words in your writing. Well done.